Many years ago, 2005, I met a girl. I’ve ment many, but this one was the worst 😀
Initially she was quite cool, we got along well and we spent quite some time together.
We would often meet up and have some beers. She had an extreme affinity for alcohol, even during weekdays. Something I did not share with her at all. In fact I was very strict about, Alcohol only during weekends. Back then Tutten was open on Thursdays, so Thursday was a weekend day 😀
None the less, she would often invite me over, and if I had nothing better to do i would go there and usually stay for the night.
Lets give her a label: “Diana” even though, that is not her real name.
After a while, half a year or so, things would start to change. People around me started to act rather strange as if they took distance from me. I wondered why.
After a while, some people started to completely ignore me, and I wondered why. I had done nothing to upset them, quite the contrary. None the less, noone ever gave me a reason for their behaviour. But the reasons for their odd behaviour became astoundingly clear over the next year or so.
It turned out that the girl who had been inviting me over on monday 20.00 would write one her friend on ICQ or MSN messenger at 20.05, “Oh god, now he is coming over again… I can’t get rid of him.” Of course, I knew nothing about her secret messages to her friend, who we give the name “Petra”
So, she invites me over and tells her friends that “oh no, now he is coming over again” essentially giving all her friends the impression that I was forcing my company upon her against her wishes. This was however not true.
Another funny thing she did, was, I stayed over a monday, some other guy would stay over tuesday, and I would be back wednesday. I guess she needed a drinking partner for tuesday. I was not aware of this situation till a few weeks after it had happened. But when it happened I confronted her and she appeared completely unable to grasp why that was a bad thing to do. Eventually I got pissed of at her and started to distance myself from her.
The rejection was not something she was able to handle emotionally and she started doing really really wierd shit.
Some weekend after I started to put in distance, she was visiting her parents place 80 km from my hometown. She was supposed to study for exams. What she really did was, having her ex-boyfriend visit her for the weekend. She told him: “If I want to, I can make him come here like a little dog” He told her: “Don’t due that, it is cruel.” She ignored his advice and sent me the text: “My mom has gone crazy and is ripping apart all my homework and assignments, please help!”
Even though I was pissed at her, I had met her mother who was rip raving mad herself, I could not bring it over my heart to leave her hanging, so I offered to drive the 80km’s to pick her up and bring her back to Sønderborg for safety. We agreed and I jumped into my Supra and more or less made the trip in 30 minuttes.
I loved driving around, and 160km was nothing for me. I would often just put gas in the car and drive around endlessly and aimlessly for 5-6 hours so from my perspective, the 160km drive just changed “driving around aimlessly” to having an actual destination. In essence, I was not doing anything I would not have done otherwise. I loved driving that car.. To provide a frame of reference for what the car looked like. Here is a picture of the car outside HK in 2005, and subsequently the “Cockpit” Most men will understand why driving around is joy not torture 🙂 few women will understand it :p
Back to the story. I arrive at her parents place, she comes out to me, essentially crawling out the window, asking me to turn the car of as her parents shouldn’t hear that I was there. I do what she asks, as it seemed reasonable, but she did not want to go back to Sønderborg. Oh well, Guess I could go back to Bronx and start partying.
80 km trip back again, this time in 25 minuttes. Caféen was open at SDU, already back then in 2005 it was my “2nd home”
That was end of that event for now.
A while later. 2-3 weeks after that incidence. Her Ex-boyfriend visits her in Sønderborg. We both get the wierd feeling that she is trying to play us up against each other. Essentially, she wanted me to start a fight with the guy, or the otherway around. She completely fails at her attempt and instead she gets into a verbal fight with her ex-boyfriend. She heads home crying.
After 1-2 hours, he decideds to go check up on her, good man as he was. He asks me to join him. What i witnessed next was unreal. He knocked on her door, they talked abit and suddenly, out of the blue she starts punching him like a cat would fight a dog. He had done nothing to provoke her. Completely bewildered by what was going on, I tried to ask her to stop her attacks, she did not listen. Last resort was to take the beer I had and empty it in her face which got her to withdraw to her room.
We go to my appartment, and since he now does not have a place to sleep, I offer him to borrow my couch. While we sit in my appartment, he explains to me that he was with her back when she claimed her mother had torn up her schoolwork. He explains the whole situation with how she was bragging about how I would come to pick her up. Now I started to get very angry, I felt used and abused.
She left home saturday morning, and the boyfriend and I would cruise around in the supra. We drove to flensburg to pick up his guitar and suddenly I had live band on the passenger seat. We discussed how we could not believe how anyone could be that devious. In the moment of anger that we both experienced, we drove by the house. I slowed down to a complete stop, reved the engine in neutral and dropped the clutch while pressing the brakes slightly. Needless to say, alot of my rearwheel tires stayed behind and we vanished in a puff of tire-smoke at 240 km/h.
A week goes by and I do not hear from her. Eventually we meet and I contain my rage and tell her: “I know you tricked me into coming, I know you were trying to play each other against each other” She of course denied everything, which eventually fueled my anger. I turned my back on her and walked away. Her obscure and insane reality was crumbling down. The web of lies she had weaved were slowly deterioating.
I was walking along the beaches of Sønderborg with an old friend Henrik, and he and I had been discussing this for a while. Suddenly I get an TEXT/SMS: “I know where my moms sleeping pills are and I will swallow them all” Not being a heartless man, and not wanting anyone to die, I discuss the options with my friend, who had only heard my side of the story but never witnessed any of the insanity, thus for him it was hard to relate. He suggest that we take his car and drive there, just to be sure she is not doing anything stupid. The cars were identical (they were the same model, but mine was turbo-charged and I have a heavier foot)
We take the 80 km drive to her parents home only to find her coming out with a wicked grin and laughter on her face. We argue a while about what the fuck she is thinking about, then we decide to head home. For some time, all we could say to each other on the way home way: “How can someone be so insane? What is this shit?”
After having talked to a few of my friends about this, they started to open up and explained to me that she had been secretly telling people that she could not get rid of me. I remind you, she always invited me. And at parties she would come over to me constantly. This sparked wonder in her friends aswell and eventually they confessed that they had been wrong about me. Well, thanks for asking my side of the story before jumping to conclusions.
I later started reading Psychology to avoid getting into issues like this ever again. By reading all of that I ended up in a deep state of depression.
I became highly efficient at detecting descrepnancies in behaviour though!
Here are the symptoms for BPD specifically. I “Bolded” the symptoms she exhibited. Besides that, she was a chronic liar and deeply believed in God as an entity. I find that silly personally.
Signs and symptoms may include:
- An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
- A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn’t care enough or is cruel
- Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don’t exist at all
- Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
- Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
- Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
- Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
- Ongoing feelings of emptiness
- Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights
Coming up stories:
-Girl with Dissasociative Identity disorder
-Another Borderline story
-Another girl with Dissasociative Identity disorder with Bi-polar tendencies and paranoia.
This girl is the reason I got an A+ (12) at the university of southern Denmark in my HR examn. I know this because I never participated in the lectures and never opened any of the books required for the course. I know too much about these subjects I am affraid to say.
In my conclusion I stated that DSM should be part of any HR study as it would become increasingly more important to recognize symptoms of PD’s early in the recruitment due to the cost.